4 Million Smiles

The blog the aunties in the market are talking about.
The blog the chi-chi Tai tais are gossiping over brunch.
The blog the uncles at the void-decks are discussing.
The blog Donald Trump is debating about in the board room.
The blog your sister is checking out every TWO minutes!
IT’s………. not my blog la! But I’m sure mine measures up pretty well. ;)

Today, I shall touch on a topic close to all Singaporeans’ hearts. No, I would not be talking about progress packages, those they hold even closer. I’ll be blogging about our Nation, silly!

I was doing my morning newspaper reading when I came across an article that irked me quite abit. In a “courtesy test” conducted, Singapore got 30th out of 35 cities. We did worse than, Manila, Hong Kong, Bangkok and Jakarta to name a few. Funny how these cities get bombed by random people more per annum compared to Singapore but their manners still remain intact?
The 3 components that made up the test are:
-helping to pick up dropped paper
-saying ‘Thank you’ when purchasing items
-holding the door open for the person behind you
Before you start vehemently protesting and writing into forum with our complaints and reasons (like we always do… yes, I know it’s you.) I’ve already done it for you. For example,

Editor,
I question the consistency of this test. The variables are just too many to have a fair result. Perhaps the paper dropped in other cities were A3 size while the test product used in Singapore was origami paper? Perhaps the sample size was too small and the demographics of the sample group is not proportionate? Blah Blah Blah
Regards,
Peter Kong Chia Wei, Bachelor(Civil Engneering)

Editor,
I believe the Grassroots Committee from the GRC where the test conducted should take responsibility for this failing statistic. Perhaps, we should get the Police involve. The police should increase their foot soldiers to patrol the trouble spots. The police would then lead by example when future tests are conducted. This would result in better statistics.
Kom Plane Queen

A fair representation? I think so. Before you launch into your tirade of reasons let us do a little “self-reflection”. The test did after all go to 35 cities. It IS UNDENIABLE that we got a ‘F’. A Fucking Factual Faggoty Failing F!

I’m sure lots of people have had many personal experiences from the most snotty, rude, snobbish, obnoxious Singaporeans. I’ve got plenty. Maybe I’ve just got that face. Haha.
Just last week, I was helping my mum with groceries at the supermarket. I was queueing and waiting my turn at the vegetable weighing counter. It was quite obvious there was a queue. Even Ah Meng, our national treasure, would have waited in line for her banana. BUT up comes this 30+ Indian man in a suit, with something to prove. Walking to the counter like a FUCKING cowboy. He saunters straight to the counter and sticks out his broccoli in hand. Completely ignoring the maid at the front of the queue. The lady manning the weighing counter continued to tag the maid’s stuff. The man, like the human statue near Lido’s underpass, refuses to budge with his hand still sticking out mid-air. The lady finally weighed his vegetable, ahead of everyone, and he walked off with his tagged vege without even looking up at the long queue. I was in the right mind to let fly a durian into his “family jewels”. Sadly, I did not. No durian lah. The fucking problem with this man and many other I-did-good-at-work-and-earned-enough-money-for-my-suit people is that they walk around with their grossly inflated egos. All thinking they are high and mighty. Honestly, these pompous assholes need a slapping wake up call or just a kick in the groin would do. Haha.

Another time, I was unfortunate enough to be in a cinema where this group of young ass punks come strolling into the cinema after the start of the film. Making a Hell lot of noise. Oblivious to the angry stares and loud “SHHss” heard all round. Of course, I contributed to the “SHHsss” as well lah. Later, another group of young punks came in, part of the huge group watching the movie came in. Same behavior as the former. Their behavior is absolutely fucksolutely irritating. Things like this always ticks me off. Thank God I’m so nice and forgiving. Haha.

It is not like it’s very difficult to see how we can up our lousy ranking among the 35 cities. Our Moral Education teacher has already been preaching us since primary school! Now, let me re-enforce the values learnt. My way.

1) We can all start by saying some morning pleasantries to the person LIVING JUST NEXT DOOR TO YOU! Get to know and improve relations with your neighbour lah. He’s the one to help you when you get a heart attack while surfing all those undesirable sites.
2) Just keep the CityLink glass swinging doors or any other doors open for the next person behind you! When you go past the 7-11, up the escalator head towards Suntec. Just hold the damm door for the person behind you and not let it slam into his face! I know. It sucks that he probably has a chiselled, fantastic model like face and has 2 hotties flanking him but just hold the door for him or any other person! Some courtesy pleaseeeeee.
3) Do not play dumb, ignorant fool! Pick up the fucking piece of document anyone accidentally drops. If the person looks like he wants help. Go help! If the person looks like he has it under control, JUST HELP THE GUY! Oh and don’t play ignorant fool in the MRT as well. I know us Singaporeans can act. No need to prove it over and over again.
4) Just give way to the fucking car coming on your left!! Singapore drivers just come across a rude bunch of people. If a car is trying to cut into your lane, and it’s safe to do so, JUST LET IT, DUH!
If you are driving a freaking beemer, just let the Toyota Corolla cut into your lane. Just because you can afford a beemer with a FK 69 license plate doe not make you any more superior on the road than any other vehicle.
If you are driving a Toyota Corolla, just let the Lambo cut into your fucking lane! Nothing wrong with letting a million dollar vehicle cut your lane! You don’t have to be an Ah Beng and speed up to match it’s speed! No competition and you have nothing to prove!!!
5) If a dog run’s form a maid walking it and heads towards you, don’t SIAM! Just grap the leash and return it! Who knows it might belong to a hot bachelor/bachelorette?
6) Lastly, I think there I no need for me to list every mother freaking example down. Us, Singaporeans, are quite an intelligent bunch. So just use that common sense and triple the “dosage” of courtesy you would use in any situation and everything will be superb and just in time for the upcoming IMF & World Bank meetings! There is no need for our loving Prime Minister to teach us how to smile! However, if you really need ome lessons, the 4 million smile campaign should do the trick. *SMILE*

ps: I forgot to mention. If you experience the courteous actions of someone else first hand, just say two fucking words back! ‘Thank you’ of course. Now, that’s not too tough right?